my portion and my cup

Well, these past few weeks have been challenging to say the least... hence why I haven't blogged since the beginning of the month. I've been struggling with choosing JOY amidst the every day burdens and problems that arise here - problems that wouldn't be an issue in the US, but are common here... At school, I've encountered problems with stealing, intrusions, low student expectations, lax student discipline, and just a whole bunch of other barriers that have kept piling up over these past few weeks.

At first, it wasn't a huge deal; little frustrations and inconveniences came here and there. I feel like I prayed half-heartedly about them, thinking that they'd just go away... not realizing that this was going to be a big way that Satan was going to wear me down and tear me away from God.

It wasn't until the middle of this past week, after a good conversation with Mom followed by a good conversation and prayer with our principal, Keeley, that I began to feel the Spirit moving and working again. I realized how much I hadn't been giving my burdens to the Lord and how I had been allowing my unhappiness and discontentment build - all of which inhibited me coming before my Savior with a pure, open, honest heart.

I've been (slowly) reading through Elisabeth Elliot's "Keep A Quiet Heart," a compilation of short stories and letters she had written. She continually references Psalm 16:5 which says, "Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup," and asks how we respond to that... Do we embrace whatever comes our way with a "I'll take it, Lord. YES!" attitude? Or do we prove our distrust that HE is in control, has every detail planned out, and has allotted us every event and circumstance we find ourselves in?

I told my mom when we were talking that I don't just want a better attitude to 'deal with' these problems; I want to WANT to be here! To have to confront and work through these situations solely by depending and relying on the Lord. To have to pray steadfastly and continuously for the strength that it'll take to make it through. I want this to be a life-changing time for me... not simply another 'neat' teaching experience.

Paul writes in Philippians 4:8-9

...Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

And he goes on in verse 11 to talk about how he has learned to be content whatever the circumstances he is given.

I found myself not focusing on the truth or the purity that I could have sought these past few weeks, and I for sure haven't learned to be content with whatever cup I am given in these different circumstances. I can only pray that I will choose to respond in a similar way that both Paul and Elisabeth Elliot did...

My portion. My cup. My lot is secure. My heart can be at peace.

Shall we not gladly take [this cross] and say "I'll take it, Lord! YES! I'll trust you for everything. Bless the Lord, O my soul!"

...for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances ~ Phil 4:11b

Each of you should continue to live in whatever situation the Lord has placed you ~ 1 Corin 7:17a