Let me apologize before I begin to anyone who happens to be from Missouri. This is in no way meant to be insulting. It might just be the culture shock talking.
I am in Branson, Missouri. 'Nuff said.
I went to Dolly Parton's Dixie Stampede tonight. Want to know what I did?
First, I had to get a ticket to the theatre. Nope, not theatre. Theee-ay-durr. The inflection goes up on the 'ay' in case you're sitting there, saying it aloud :) Then, once I got to the theatre, the gal with the big 'ole "Gone With the Wind" dress showed me where to go. I took a seat and sat down to see the "pre-show," which the lady at our hotel told me that I just HAD to see! It was a man juggling. It made me smile as I sat there, drinking a Shirley Temple from my "Dixie Stampede" boot-shaped plastic cup (TOTALLY bringing it home with me, don't worry. You can use it too.) thinking that I had come an hour and a half early to see this guy.
On into the horse arena, we were corraled by the folks in their 'Confederate' and 'Union' attire. I happened to be sitting on the Southern side... so apparently I had to be pro-slavery... still not sure that I'm okay with that. Anyway, went to my seat, met the nice guy and his family sitting to my left who were from Indiana and the sweet old couple on my right who were from Arkansas. Yep, you guessed it. Both were here on their family vacations. To Branson, Missouri.
Then, the show started. I cannot put into words what I saw. I hope you watch the YouTube clip from the link below, because it does some justice to it. Or perhaps you've been? Then you can relate. First, there was the host guy who came out and told us we had taken sides and were going back in time. I, as I mentioned, was rooting for the South to win. Then, they presented us with a quick skit of how America came to be.
Everyone should know this. First, there were the random horses that walked around the land. Then came the Cherokee who wore the glow-in-the-dark clothing who chanted and shot off a firework. Oh, and I shouldn't forget the glow-in-the-dark lady dressed as a butterfly that flew around too. Very PC. Next, the settlers came and built their forts. Then, the Gold Rush. Let me just say, they didn't even mention California. All they said was everyone went "West." C'mon! Give us some credit! This is where we got to take a break for a square dance "Dixie style" aka on horseback. It was cute. And finally, we came to America's history when the Civil War happened. Note: they never actually said "Civil War," just "North vs. South" Hmmm... they probably don't want people like me being all like, "I don't like this, I don't like slavery!" but again, that's besides the point.
Which brings us to the Civil War. We had to 'compete' against the North in order to see who 'wins'. I don't remember what order they were in, but here's a list of the games we played/watched:
- three riders and horses from each team racing around barrels
- three riders and horses from each team weaving in and out of the barrels
- three riders and horses putting flags into a barrel
- four little kids chasing after chickens
- four couples riding around on those horse-head pole things
- mini horses racing one another (one was 'North' and one was 'South')
- jumbo-horseshoe tossing
- six little pigs racing around the arena
Just even reliving it makes me laugh really hard :) It was awesome! So funny, and such (oh, it better be!) a once-in-a-lifetime thing!
The only bad thing about the whole evening? We won. Yep, slavery is alive and well in Branson, MO.
YouTube - Dixie Stampede Dinner Attraction
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